we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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