I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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