Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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