You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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