sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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