Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize