my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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