if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
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I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize