yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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