What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
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I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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