i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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