every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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