That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize