my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the puke drawer
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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