I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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