There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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