The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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