she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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