She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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