Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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