That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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