if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
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i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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