Will you blow on my dice?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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