We need to rekindle our bromance
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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