I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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