take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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