Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize