you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize