During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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