Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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