the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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