he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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