I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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