I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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