i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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