I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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