Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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