dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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