I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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