A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize