Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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