Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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