I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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