well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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