So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
