I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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