I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize