when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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