i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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