my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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