YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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