I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I intend to get homeless drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize